Shoosh, only paps now: Archive

Dec 31st

3,066 notes

Dec 26th

Why being a girl isn't working out for me:

Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
Me: Please, god, no--
Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GOOOOOOOO!!!
Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furious 
Me: Please, guys, calm down--
Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES. 
Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO 
Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! 
Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
Me: I hate you all
Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate. 
Face: Lol, i'm not done yet. 
Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this? 
Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 9 months straight. 
Uterus: You mother fuckers. 
Torso: CONTRACT! 
Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama. 
Brain: Me gusta.